Before you continue…you have to read the post from yesterday (Feb 28)…

Thank you…..

Now that you’re all caught up…..MAYBE I wasn’t completely honest with my post. I left out the fact that I eventually emailed Bethany, AGAIN. As my thoughts were getting heavier, I was missing her more and more.

So I typed up a bunch of questions (20 of them) and sent them off.

Examples: Has she moved on already? Should I try to say hi when I see her at the next race? , etc.

Just like the other 3 times I tried to reach her, I wasn’t expecting a response…..but wouldn’t you know it? SHE FINALLY RESPONDED!!!

And it wasn’t an email telling me to “Fuck off” either. It was actually pretty thought out.

It included lines like:

1. “I thought we had a good thing - at times it got a little weird for me - and I think we talked about it every time...  Conversations that I don't think really got through to you”

1. “I saw you at the pf chang’s (Marathon) and wanted to say hi...  I just thought you were sincere when you told me to not say hi to you at the races...  so there you go”

1. “I can't lie and tell you that I never want to see or hear from you again”

1. “I would like to be able to say hi at the races...  neither of us is going to stop running any time soon”

Now ….she didn’t say that she’s in love with me, and that she wants to get back together. But she didn’t say that she hates me either….

All I do know is this is the first time she’s said anything to me (or emailed) since Dec. 2006. AND I’m pretty excited about it. Who knows what the future holds, but if Bethany is involved, it’s gotta be better than the past two months.

 It's funny, but as I get older people (mostly older women) find it hard to believe that I've never been married, or that I don't have any kids. AND...when I tell them that I'm not dating anyone serious, they practically offer their condolences. It's like I told them that I have Cancer, or something. I'M NOT SICK....just single.

Don't get me wrong....I'm kinda bummed out about being single, but I'm not gonna just jump into relationships with the first chick who thinks I'm cute. And...I'm not gonna date random chicks just because I can.

I only bring this up because this happened to me yesterday. As I passed to go get my mail, the ladies in the office formed a little pow wow, to determine what my "problem" is. We joked about it...and the conversation got pretty entertaining....but as I was heading back to my classroom, I couldn't help but reminisces over recently failed relationships. What happened? Where did they go wrong? Is it me? When is it gonna happen for me?

Before the comments come rolling in, let me say I'M NOT DEPRESSED! Any of my students and friends would tell you that I'm normally a pretty laid back and happy individual. I've played the role of "class clown" since puberty. But sometimes I can't help but be envious of those who've found LOVE . You've seen them: The couple shopping together at the supermarket....walking thru the mall with their pinkies intertwined.....jogging together.....or (my favorite) working out together at the gym.

Needless to say....all of these thoughts directed my attention to Bethany again. Who I thought was pretty close to perfect, except for one little thing. She liked me, but I didn't have what she REALLY wanted in a man. What she wanted? .... I don't know. But clearly I wasn't keeping her satisfied.

ANYWAY....  The main reason for the post this morning??  I dreamt about her last night....& in the dream she wanted to give it another try.  HOW CRAZY IS THIS???? 

I promise that I'm trying to distract myself with enough activity to forget about her....but every now and then, there's this rush of fond memories.

Blah Blah Blah...fish in the sea...& Time heals blah blah blah.. I KNOW THIS CRAP.

But I know some of you have been in the same position before. I'm NOT CRAZY DAMMIT!!!!    Am i?? 

So... my curiosity was peaked by the personality test mentioned on Shaynie's recent post. I had to check it out for myself. It turned out just how I expected; I'm a pretty average joe:

My temperament is: GUARDIAN (their description is pretty "dead-on"....read below)

Guardians can have a lot of fun with their friends, but they are quite serious about their duties and responsibilities. Guardians take pride in being dependable and trustworthy; if there's a job to be done, they can be counted on to put their shoulder to the wheel. Guardians also believe in law and order, and sometimes worry that respect for authority, even a fundamental sense of right and wrong, is being lost. Perhaps this is why Guardians honor customs and traditions so strongly--they are familiar patterns that help bring stability to our modern, fast-paced world.

Practical and down-to-earth, Guardians believe in following the rules and cooperating with others. They are not very comfortable winging it or blazing new trails; working steadily within the system is the Guardian way, for in the long run loyalty, discipline, and teamwork get the job done right. Guardians are meticulous about schedules and have a sharp eye for proper procedures. They are cautious about change, even though they know that change can be healthy for an institution. Better to go slowly, they say, and look before you leap.

Guardians make up as much as 40 to 45 percent of the population.

The Four types of Guardians are:

Supervisors // Protectors // Inspectors // & Providers

Check the link for yourself:

http://www.advisorteam.com/temperament_sorter/register.asp?partid=1

Today's Workout: Morning run (b/w 8-9 miles), Lifting (Shoulder day), then 11am Yoga class.

Lately my asthma has really been fucking with me...but today I was feeling pretty good. Only two other people showed up for the group run this morning, but it was actually pretty cool. I usually don't talk much during longer runs, but these folks (including the guy that worked at the store hosting the run) were actually fun to talk to. For some people it's politics, for other's it's their children.....but ME??  I could sit around (or run) and talk to people about running, race experiences, and working out for hours.  I know...I'm a wierdo!

   .....Had a chance to talk to KK on the phone, today. It's the first time we've spoke since we came back from Mexico last weekend. It's kinda sad watching her go through the SAME EXACT thing that I went through with Bethany. She and Dave are finally done....but she misses him like crazy. Now she's going through the process of trying to fill her time with other guys, just to take her mind off him. She's a great girl ...so I'm sure she'll have no problem finding someone who'll treat her right. She's on match.com, so you fellas better get at her before it's too late!

Why haven't we ever hooked up???  Trust me I used to hit on her all the time....but she's not attracted to black guys.   She's still cool though.

Oh well... Tomorrow starts a new week. It should be interesting since, I have a TON of grading that still needs to get done....and grades are due by next Tuesday. I'm this close   to just saying "Fuckit" and give everybody an "A". 

Oh yeah-- For anybody that knows who Busta Rymes is....he got arrested on Thursday of last week, in NYC for driving with a suspended license.  How do I know??  It was my sister who pulled him over & brought him in.  How crazy is that?!?  Sorry Bus-a-bus.. she was just doing her job.

So.....I know it's been awhile since I posted, BUT....

I've been trying to make some important life-adjustments:

Last week, my friend KK & I went down to Rocky Point in Mexico (Puerto Peñasco). It was just a 2-day trip, but it was just what I needed! We were able to do a lot of venting to each other, on our recently failed relationships. Something about hanging out around a beach just puts things in a different perspective.  

Anyway....what else has been going on?

The MRI I had on my knee turned up NOTHING serious. Hopefully, the time off I've taken from running has helped heal the minor scarring. I say "minor" scarring, but trust me ...during the marathon the pain was MAJOR!!!

I finally put in my two-week notice at UPS!!!  Thank GOD!!! Last week I was hired as an after-school tutor at one of the local Sylvan Learning Centers. This gig should definitely free up some more time for training during the weekdays. Call me crazy, but after being chewed-up and spit out by the marathon in January... the next time Bethany sees me at a race, I want to be in TOP FORM!!!

  Like this guy!!!

I still run into BB at the gym, and things are still cool. It looks like we'll eventually go out running again, but who knows if she's open to anything else. At this point I kinda......don't care. She's a great girl, cute as hell, but something tells me that I'd be wasting my time.

Food for thought:  How is it that neither I nor my three sisters (ages 28 -34) have ever been married, had kids, or been in a relationship longer than 6 months? I used to blame my failed relationships on things like "bad timing" or "incompatibility", but I'm beginning to think that the issue is a bit deeper.

My goals for March:

Get back into "training mode"

Take my Defensive Driving course (speeding ticket)

Start saving some cash for the Vegas trip in May!!

Investigate options & create a plan to finish my Master's

So Saturday morning went as planned...                                                             

BB & I went on our run. The weather was actually perfect for a morning jog. We only went four miles, but she was pretty stoked about the whole thing, since she hasn't run outside in a long time.

The conversation flowed nicely, but no immediate sparks. But she still seemed open.

We both went back to the gym to lift for a little bit. We weren't working out "together" but we'd stop and chit-chat occasionally. So I went for it... and asked her to dinner later that evening. Unfortunately, she turned me down, using homework as an excuse.  I'm sure I'll try to ask her out again, but honestly I don't really care either way.

This weekend I came to the conclusion, that I'm just trying to find a "replacement" for Bethany.

Check this out....

I even invited some random girl back to my place (on Sunday).... we were fooling around....she told me that she needed to "get some".

I didn't even want to do it.....or should I say......my "body" wouldn't let me do it.  I'm pretty sure I'm just looking for a quick fix, for this void that Bethany has left.

I know ... I know.... time heals all wounds. But waiting for that time to pass, definitely SUCKS!!  

My hope is-- once this Wednesday passes... and I get back from spending the 3-day weekend in Mexico... I'm gonna refocus back to my training schedule & get ready to set some new PR's (personal records) this year.

BTW-SS aka Shaynie aka Genesis... what's up with those new pics???  You're cute & all....but I'm pretty sure you'd be able to hold on to the number one spot without getting all hot & steamy.  j/k

Loved your posting on "Love Love Love Love...."

Geezuuusss  Crighsss!!!

Where do I start? Between the kids at school & UPS & the gym....this week has been pretty fu##ing busy... 

So, I ended up sending that card to Bethany (see earlier post, titled: "Dammit I'm so weak")....  no response yet. But then again I didn't expect one. I wanted one.....but like I said....didn't expect one.

I finally got the MRI on my knee, but I have to wait until next week to hear from the doctor. I'm still running on it though, so it's no biggie.

I've only seen Erson, at school once since our date.... things seem cool. But as I mentioned in my last post, I'm pretty sure there's no future there.

That's cool though, I've already got my eyes on another target. Let's call her BB (for those cute baby blues). I met BB at the gym...and we're supposed to be meeting up for a run on Saturday morning. Let's see if I can turn this run into a dinner & movie. 

A big shout out to all my ShoutPost friends!!!    BTW-what's the deal with the "Hot Blogs" rankings??  You step away for a couple of days, and POOF!!  You drop down like 20 places?!?  These administrators are RUTHLESS!!!   jk

So I just got home from dinner with Erson. Remember this is the girl that I work with...who I finally asked out...about two weeks ago.

We went to one of those Asian spots where they cook the food in front of you... We sat with this group of seven other people who were getting wasted on Saki bombers... the chef was tossing shrimp in our mouths.... it was pretty entertaining.  BUT sadly....I don't think there were any sparks.

We talked a lot about other teachers at school... we talked about her ex-boyfriends... but you know how it is....when you're looking at someone who just isn't attracted to you???

She didn't look disgusted....but she was looking at me like I was just another guy "friend". 

Hey, what can I say?  I tried!!  

Who knows.... maybe at a happy hour, sometime down the line,  I might catch her drunk enough for a little impromptu make-out session... 

Other than that....  I'm pretty sure there's nothing there.

Back to the drawing board....

Anyone that has quit smoking (or any other crazy habit) will be able to relate to this, for sure.

I quit smoking about 5 years ago. It was probably the toughest thing I've ever done. As months went on....smoke -free..... I wouldn't feel the cravings much, at all. But sometimes, days would hit where there was an overflow of desire to take just One drag. One hit. Just a little puff....

Sometimes you were able to fight it...other times you just gave in.

That's what happened to me this weekend. But instead of smoke...it was Bethany that I was missing once again. Tonight while I was grocery shopping, I broke down and picked up a card to send to her for Valentine's Day. It's not an "I LOVE YOU" card....it's just one of those, "I'm still thinking of you" cards.  Am I retarded, or what?

Is it crazy to still miss her? It was just 2 & half weeks ago, since I saw her blow by me in the marathon.... we didn't speak, but she had to have felt something.....right? She's not a robot, ya know!!!

Anyway... I don't know if I'm gonna send it, yet. I know she's not gonna call me or anything, but it wouldn't hurt, to show her that she still means something to me... would it??

Who knows....maybe this craving will pass soon. 

 I'm a huge fan of Hip-Hop, Rap, R&B... but there are many other bands that I groove to, that don't fit into any of these categories. For Example: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Incubus, No Doubt (can't wait til the next album), Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the disco.... you get the picture.

This post is just to inform you (if you've been living under a rock for the past few months) of the amazing talent coming from the UK. Lily Allen & Corrine Bailey Rae are definitely worth checking out. They have two TOTALLY different styles....yet neither will disappoint when played in your car on one of those long road trips.

I KNOW I'm not the only person that does this....

Have you ever needed a boost to your ego after a break up??  So you call an ex-girlfriend (that you're actually still civil with) ??

I wasn't looking for a booty-call, since my ex (Jesse) lives a few hundred miles away now; just some good convo.

Anyway..... we were talking about what direction our lives have taken since we've last spoke (almost a year ago).... and it turns out she suffered a devastating break up, a while back... where here fiancé cheated on her. She spoke about how she still has Trust & Commitment issues, to this day.

KARMA'S A REAL BITCH!!!

I didn't say that to her..... but has she totally forgot the reason for all of our troubles? (BTW- we broke up 7 years ago) She was the one that decided to cheat on me!!  AND get pregnant by the other guy!!  When I talk about it, I find it hard to believe that we're still on speaking terms.... I must have really loved her, huh?? 

Now, she did have an abortion, back then... and she apologized profusely....and we must have been at each others throats for a couple of years afterwards....but all of those emotions were put to rest years ago. Time really does heal all wounds. As fu@#ed up as things were back then, if I was to see her today, I'm sure she'd be greeted with big smile & hug...

A friend of mine emailed me this really random question..... I answered it , but now i'm curious about what my new "shoutpost family" thinks. So post your responses as comments:

What personal moral do you value the most?

Sooooo ...

 I don't know if you've been following this, but I mentioned in my last post that I was thinking about asking Erson out, this week. Well, when you work at a school where it's near impossible to get someone alone....it becomes a pretty difficult task.  There's always a student, or another teacher around...just "shooting the breeze."

Anyway, I was coming back from an afternoon meeting, and I happen to notice her walking back to her classroom. She was looking pretty damn......phenomenal yesterday.

I make my way to her room....and what do you know....she was alone!! I had to make my move. However, it wasn't one of my smoothest moments.

I started off making small talk about random "school-stuff"...trying to look for that transistion to "weekend-talk." It never happened. So I had to just pull the trigger.

Her reaction was very positive... she was even...sorta...giggling at me while I was in the middle of my proposal. I think she could notice my discomfort.  But she said YES! Plus, we even touched on the idea of potential problems of coworkers who decide to date.

So I think we're heading in the right direction..... Only time will tell.

So this is the time I should be grading papers… but I can’t bring myself to focus. Too busy thinking about this weekend…..Bethany…..bullshit with my Dad back in NY….

VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!

I’m pretty sure I’m looking for any excuse to think about Bethany…but whenever I pass the greeting card section of the supermarket…..I get all depressed, again. I feel like if I call her, I’d be accepting her behavior, as if she wasn’t doing anything “shady”… 

But if she contacts me…it’s as if she saying…”hey maybe I screwed up a little.” Then we could probably move forward. I know….I know…it’s not gonna happen.

Where are you chicks from?? Venus, you say? Where can we (guys) buy that translation-  dictionary??

Anyway… funny thing that happened this weekend. I was at a bar with a couple of  friends,  on Saturday…. And in walks Erson.. She was looking pretty damn good. It’s kinda rare I see her without glasses on.  Anyway, I’m thinking I’m gonna make the move to ask her out this week. She keeps throwing out these comments, like she’s available….or looking to meet somebody new.

I know I said that it would be a bad idea to mess around with someone at work… but I don’t know….either I’m getting super lonely, or I’ve convinced myself that it truly isn’t that bad of an idea.  She’s cute, her body is…off the chain!!!, she likes to laugh, PLUS…since we work in the same building, we would have more opportunities to see each other.  I have the 2 jobs….and she coaches after school….so seeing each other during the day, could be a positive thing.

I’ve just got to find a way to get her alone.  When I was a student in high school it was so much easier to get girls alone….but as a teacher it  probably wouldn’t be appropriate to drag her behind a row of lockers to see what her weekend plans are. 

Wish me luck…

A quiet Saturday morning. No plans in the works...except for the gym of course. I log on to check my email, and it looks like the photos from the marathon are finally available. I swear sometimes I think I run just for the cool T-shirts, and the professional photos. (Not like I'll ever spend the money on framing one)

http://www.asiorders.com/view_user_event.asp?EVENTID=13986&BIB=2447

My pics came out ok.... but you know I couldn't help myself.... I had to check out Bethany's pics too. Why do I put myself through it? Of course all the pain of missing her comes flooding back. She even took a pic with some random cop... He was tall, and I know she's in to tall dudes.

I'm hoping it was just some random, guy....and not the guy that's boning her these days. It shouldn't even matter to me!!! Why do I care??

I've gotta learn how to let this thing go. It was obvious back then that she wanted out, and the fact that she hasn't contacted me since, proves I made the right decision.

I can already feel it. Today's workout is gonna be a good one. Thinking about HER always gets me fired up.

So my visit to the doctor's office went just the way I expected. It's been 4 days since THE RACE, and my knee actually feels fine, but I know as soon as I go out for a long run, by mile 5 it will be throbbing once again.

She sent me to get an X-ray, (I'm sure it will turn up negative)...but that was the first step before I head over to the Orthopedics office.

BTW- The Nurse Practitioner that examined me today is probably the sexiest older lady I've come into contact with, in a long time.  She may be a couple of years away from 50, but I'm tellin' ya..... I'd give it to her in heartbeat!! I guess I just have a thing for women in business suits.

Anyway...

Tomorrow, I've gotta try to make an appointment with one of the specialists on the list they gave me. Let's get this MRI thing going ASAP!!

...I saw my boy Chat at the gym today....we did the usual shit-talkin.

AND it looks like I'll actually have some plans this weekend... Kasey wants to go to a grand opening of a bar....& it looks like she invited Erson. It seems she's hell-bent on hooking us up.  Trust me Erson is a HOTTIE!! .... but you never want to risk making things awkward at work, if it doesn't work out.

Besides,  I still miss Bethany...so it wouldn't be fair to get involved with anybody, these days.

There's no harm in dating though.....is there??

I hope not, because I'm supposed to be checking out this poetry thing on Sunday, with Rose.

11 minutes until the Season Finale of the Duel!!!  I'm gonna miss this show once it's done tonight....but the White Rapper Show will definitely fill that need of: Entertaining "Reality"

....So the 4th PF Chang's Marathon took place three days ago. A race that I've been training for throughout most of 2006. A race that was gonna mark the first of hopefully many marathons to come.

WAIT!! Maybe you should get some background first...

I moved to the Phoenix area over 6 years ago, and somehow four years ago after spending hours and hours in air conditioned gyms, I decided to hit the pavement. I picked up running as a new hobby. Over the past few years, I've actually started getting pretty good, for a non-athlete most of my life....Fastest 5K - 19:44, 10K - 41:49, Half-marathon - 1:37:09. I wasn't headed for the Olympic Team, but I'm pretty happy with it.

Until three days ago, I never danced the BIG dance, though. 26.2 miles can be a pretty intimidating distance, but I was constantly inspired by Bethany (a skilled 4X marathoner), as the months drew closer. Unfortunately, our relationship fizzled a month before race day. (One of those summer flings, where one person believed that it was going to be more of a REAL relationship....I'm sure that will be the subject of another post, at a later date)

So first off it's COLD AS FUCK!!! 29 degrees at the start of the race... no big deal for the kid from Queens NY!! The siren goes off... & I'm feeling good...NO....I'm feeling GREAT!! I'm not breathing heavy...I'm running comfortably.....and my knee problems..gone for the moment.

For the first 8 miles...I'm with the 3:20 pacers... A little faster than I expect to finish, but I figured that I'd stick with them for the first half of the race...then fall back to 8 thru 8:30 min/ miles for the last half of the race. My plan was unfolding perfectly UNTIL......

Mile 10... had to stop to use the port-a-potty, while getting back on the road..FUCK! My knee problems returned with a vengeance...I hobbled to get my rhythm going again...UNTIL

Mile 13...the calf cramps began...way earlier than anticipated. No problem, though.... I'll just stop occasionally to stretch them out. By this time I realize that I will not be hitting my goal of 3:30...but I'm still holding on to a finishing time of 3:45

Mile 19... my calves are killing me....and I'm stopping to stretch them at more frequent intervals. While stopping to refill my water bottle BAM!!! Both hamstrings lock-up. Luckily there was a medic tent nearby. I hobbled over, they got me stretched me out, as best they could...and I was on my way. Only 7 miles to go...

At this point...I'm just fighting to make it under 4 hours. I'm thinking my buddy Alex, who ran the 1/2 marathon, is waiting for me at the finish line, coming up with a million jokes about my slow time. But I already knew that I wasn't gonna be in the mood.

Finally 1 more mile to go.... I must be moving at a 12 minute / per mile pace. My energy was there, my drive was there...but anytime I tried to move faster, my leg muscles would lock harder than ever. I was reduced to becoming a mere spectator, watching hundreds of runners pass by while it felt like I was standing in one spot. I felt embarrassed, frustrated, defeated....and just when things couldn't get any worse. Bethany passes me. It was the first time I saw her up close, in over a month. She looked amazing!! Yet she passed me, as if there was no history at all. I tried to keep up with her to the finish line (hoping we'd have one of those awkward moments where we'd be forced to speak to each other) ...but I was almost forced to the ground when my left hamstring locked up one last time... I was forced to watch her distance herself, once again.

Finishing time 4:13:06!! Not bad for many...ultimately disappointing for me. With my busted knee, I limped pass the photographers...pass the food...straight to the UPS trucks to get my clothes. Then off to IHOP to drown my sorrows in a plate full of Steak & Eggs!!

I will have my redemption, though. This year I will use the memories of this humbling experience to regroup, recover, and retrain these legs to conquer that distance!!

First stop is the doctor's office. I have an appointment tomorrow to see how bad the damage is to my knee. Fingers crossed...fingers crossed!!!